I haven't blogged in a long time, it feels sorta strange to return to the expansive reach that is Thoughts.com. I could write about everything that happened between now and the last post, but I just haven't the drive to sift through the past. Therefore, recent events is all you'll get for today. Strap yourself in and grab hold of something, 'cause i'm calling all pigs to the feeding.

Monday wasn't that bad (lol, I can't remember most of the day), but in my last hour of school, we had a guest speaker. This was no ordinary guest speaker from the local factory or fire station, this one was a Marine. He was only a little taller than I, yet managed to portray an atmosphere of quiet dominance. He answered questions about his day, his life, and whatever my fellow students thought was relevant for the occassion. One mistaken student make the folley of confusing the Army with the Marines, this is not a good thing. The Marines pride themselves on being harder, better, stronger, faster, (Daft Punk reference). I asked no questions, I already know a great deal about the Marines. lol, I know enough because, a year ago, I wanted to join the Marines with a fervent determination.

The bell soon rang and we made the (abiet hazardous) trek from the far corner of the school on the second floor all the way to the parking lot overflowing with yellow buses. The adventure is almost a half-mile in length and winds through my extreamly large school. Before I commenced on the "Oregan Trail"-esque, I went down the hall and got Ed, he was in Spanish (Native Speaker). Ed, his sis, Jessica, and I stode through the passage and eventually felt the warm sun as we pushed through the parameter doors. Thoughts about what the recruiter said course though my torrential mind as I walk from the school to my big yellow chariot. Actually, I can't remember if I rode the bus or not that day. My mind is unraveling. (On monday, we were promised a field trip for the day, but it was canceled at the last minute).

Tuesday (damn, I can't recall any of it, all my memories kinda run together now). I think this was the day that Ed and I had to build his sister a hovercraft from scratch. She had neglected to start on tim so now she has a little more than a week left to finish it. Soon, it is just after 15:30 (military time, lol) and I got down on my hands and knees to do for her in a few hours what took my whole crew a day. She was expecting a partner but she (Emily) was at work and wouldn't be free for a couple of hours. Ed and I worked in my garage amongst the herrendous mess bot soon enough, Emily was on her way. (I think she was in my engineering class last yer or maybe the year before). Emily got lost in the vast maze of my suburbia. Ed got in his car to go find her and guide her to my house. Ed's sis and I were left to work until he returned with the appropriate reinforcments.

Ed's sis moped around the garage, drowning in a dark sea of self pity and reluctance as I want Han Solo (Star Wars reference) on the half-completed hovercraft. A while later, two Hondas are parked out front, one of which bears forth Ed and from the other, Emily. They join us in the garage and from here on, the work ethic kinda assumes a half-life of about 30 seconds. My mom brought back McDonald's while we were "working" and that kinda made things slide just a little easier. This is all made awesome because for the time from when I got home to when Emily arrived, I was wearing nothing mother than my track shorts and a sombrero. Soon, the season finale of House was on and Julie and I were holed up in the living room glued to the screen. Every once in a while, Ed would come in and watch with us. Half-way through the show, Ed, his sis, and Emily had to go, we parted good times as they drove off. The unfinished hovercraft was secured to Ed's car by mere duct tape. Also on Tuesday, I spoke to the recruiter durring my lunch.

Wednesday, durring my last hour of the skool day, we had a party that I completely forgot about. And because I forgot about it, I was the only idiot who showed up without food and drinks. UGH, this is usually the point where I admit defeat and consign my self to the depths of the tortuous universe. But not that day, that day was mine and I would not let my degenerating mind fail me again. I grabbed my friend's phone and dial out to Papa Johns Intl. I ordered a shitload of pizza with my employee discount and in half and hour, the pizza arrived. This was (to an extent) pointles, because a class of teenagers and kill a few pizzas with no problem at all. I was proud that my last minute resourcfulness overcame that hours and hours of colonary preperation that went in to my classmates' dietary delights. After skool, I went with the recruiter to his office. It smelled of beaurocracy and unspoken compliance. He led me to a small room where I took a pre-ASVAB test. It was like the full lenghth version, only shorter. I got a pretty good score, higher than they expected. My score was high enough to let me choose from over 80% of all careers in the Marines. After that, we sat and talke about my future in the Marines provided I signed up. I'll disclose more about that later.

Thursday, I spent this day in the hospital. They stuck a camera up my nose, it was painful and numbing. I might choose to wright more about this day but for now, . . . . meh

Friday, I'm tired, bored, and I gotta finish a hovercraft, dammit. Today is when I write this but I might choose to elaborate on it later.

Enjoy the music and videos, post away and spread the word. I'd like to get more views and comments so put up some ads about me, lol. Adios, now i gotta get a board and a lawnmower engine airborne.

Currently Playing Music:
Necrophagist - Seven
Finch - Ink
Smashing Pumpkins - Where Boys Fear To tread
Smashing Pumpkins - Bodies
Tool - 46 & 2
Smashing Pumpkins - Today ~LIVE~
Smashing Pumpkins - Today
Smashing Pumpkins - Quiet ~LIVE~
Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise
Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise ~LIVE~
Smashing Pumpkins - Silverfuck ~LIVE~
Tool - The Pot
Slipknot - Pulse of the Maggots
Moby - Very
Deftones - Minerva
Chemical Brothers - Do It Again
Deftones - Birthmark
Deftones - Lifter
Deftones - Root
Deftones - One Weak
Deftones - KimDracula
Chemical Brothers - Do It Again (Extended Mix)
Deftones - Good Morning Beautiful
The White Stripes - Icky Thump
The White Stripes - Icky Thump ~LIVE~
Tool - Stinkfist
Rooney - Blueside
Radiohead - Creep ~LIVE~
Radiohead - Creep
Spacehog - In The Meantime
Blink 182 - Down
Foo Fighters - My Hero
Foo Fighters - Everlong
Foo Fighters - Everlong ~LIVE~
Foo Fighters - Everlong ~ACOUSTIC~
Silversun Pickups - Well Thought Out Twinkles
Thousand Foot Krutch - Ordinary
Sum 41 - Fat Lip
Tool - H.
Butthole Surfers - Pepper
Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down
Smashing Pumpkins - Quiet
Smashing Pumpkins - Silverfuck
Young Joc - Coffee Shop
The Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Chevelle - Send the Pain Below
Burden Brothers - Shadow
Burden Brothers - Beautiful Night
Crossfade - Cold
Breaking Benjamin - So Cold
Crossfade - So Far Away
Evan's Blue - Cold (But I'm Still Here)
Bush - Glycerine
Bush - Machine Head
311 - Transistor
KoRn - Twisted Transistor

Featured Videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmGHkFN q9QU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b40HQve 1F-E

Today is finally friday, now I may bleed in peace. (The time is actually 1:03am Saturday, but whatever). I recently found a new audio website (best ever) and I want the world to know about it. It's called Seeqpod, and it allows me to play all the music I love, plus that from the wonderfully obscure artists that live under the rocks. (Sometimes music fails to ooze from my speakers, like now) Also, I was able to get a hold of that Zune, now I can take my music wherever I want. My parents don't know though and now i'm tryin' to figure when it'll be safe to disclose. They won't stop worrying about my, "mysterious and sudden lack of funds". It's all good though 'cause i'm the master at fuckin' up, as if I comend my very own demise. It hits me with the revelation of Deva Vu, yet I take comfort in knowing that I don't have a choice.

Today, in history, we finished watching Cinderella Man, it's a movie that takes place durring the Great Depression about an unemployeed boxer who gets a second chance. Funny thing is, I can't really remember any of the character's names, I think I might be unraveling, I like it. Then, I skipped out on lunch to build part of an engine housing for a hovercraft, (a week ago, physics delt me one last blow). It isn't quite airtight yet, it's only wood. Tomarrow is the supossed to be the bulk of the project, providing everything sncs up well (it never does). Ed (senior, driver) is supposed to pick up Alejandro (junior) and come to my house so we can walk down the street to Wesley's house to finish this thing. There is a flaw, a fatal one though, Megan (cutie) is supplying the engine but she was last the minute addition. Thus, in out infinate wisdom, we failed to include her in the route and it's too late to turnback now. So we will prolly finish the hovercraft (dubbed: "The War Machine" from the Iron Man comics) all the way up until we need the engine, that sucks. I guess it's a good thing we started early(ish), that way we can afford time set aside speciffically for fuck-ups like this one.

Right before my forth block english class, I gave Ed the bloc which I completed durring third (construction tech I). In my possesion, there are an uncounted number of nails in my school bag; I figured we'ed (lol) need them for this project, they're stolen from contruction. I do fear, however, that The War Machine might be too heavy. It supposed to float on air while supporting five hundred pounds additional to it's own weight. To me, it sounds insane but if the Marines can do it, maybe I can too, lol. I got more to post but i;m dead tired and this post is bullshit anywho, lmao. Enjoy the music and post ya ass off.

Currently Playing Music:
Deftones - Change (In the House of Flies)
Busdriver - Imaginary Places
Disturbed - Want
Disturbed - Droppin' Plates
Deltron 3030 - Positive Contact
Third Eye Blind - Graduate
Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
Basement Jaxx - Where's Your Head At?
InnerPartySystem - Don't Stop
Devo - Whip It
Greenday - Longview
Greenday - Basketcase
My Chemical Romance - To The End
Deftones - Minerva
Deftones - Lifter
Deftones - Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away)
Deftones - Lhabia
Deftones - Good Morning Beautiful

PS: I dont feel quite like my self anymore, I don't like it and I don't realy know how to end it.

Friday, I recieved my paycheck. it's meager and of little use compared to the cashouts I had a month ago. This is not to say that Papa Johns is going outta business but needless to say, my frineds and I are recieving less and less hours. It's clearly a degenerative cycle. I haven't started to look for a new job yet, but if this continues, I might be inclined to abandon ship. Saturday, I woke up in a daze, but it was serene as could be so I didn't protest. I was semi-awake but I wanted to be fully asleep, so in my indecision, I just lay there. My mother is out to some overpriced salon, my cousin is still asleep, and my brother is in Austin. This means I have the house to myself, but there is one problem, I can't think of anything to do. As I waste away here before my monitor, I start to realize that today is a day of happy uncertinty. Only because I have a feeling slightly inclined to happyness but I don't know what to do with it. Maybe i'll finish the entry tomarrow.

When I was absent from this site, a lot of terrible events took place, on of them I refer to as "The Incident". I have not forgoten to let you guys in but as of this moment, the ends don't quite justify the means. I prolly won't tell for a few more weeks. Any who, I saw one of my favorite movies for the first time since it was in theaters, I speak of "I Am Legend". That movie is the shizz, also, I saw "Juno" for the first time and it sits at a healthy fith-place (outta like hundreds). That movie manages to show the rarely scene serenity of teenage life. I can safely say that if an unplanned kid were due at our dysfunctional household, the delicate (uneven) fabric of space and time would be torn asunder. Despite the slight unreality of the motion picture, I enjoyed it immensly. Also, I got my debit card today (Monday sometime at the end of April) and it rocks, this way I dont have to carry all that damn cash, lol (what cash?).

I saw Allyson this morning, she's really cool but Snook (an AP) is a dick and he assigned her AC for the next forever. So today was pretty boring, but only because we have a statewide standardizd test to determine how stupid we are. For those of you in Canada (lmao), you guys are extreamly lucky.

Currently Playing Music:
Madonna - Music
Necrophagist - Seven
Drop Dead Gorgeous - The Show Must Go On
Blue October - X Amount of Words
Daft Punk - One More Time
Mindless self Indulgence - Tom Sawyer
Finch - Ink
Plan B - No Good
Peaches - Boys Wanna Be Her
Animal Alpha - Bundy
Sublime - Santeria
Sublime - Wrong Way
Jane's Addiction - Jane Says
311 - Transisitor
Interrupt Vector - Zombie Suicide Bomber
Fair To Midland - Dance of the Manatee
Deftones - My Own Summer (Shove It)
Deftones - Be Quiet and Drive
Deftones - Kimdracula
Deftones - Root
311 - Down

I wanna start out on this perilous, literary adventure by saying, "I am depressed, therefore I am." I am deeply sorry (not really but I know you like to hear it) that I haven't been posting blogs. I'll try an post everyday again but it's hard. The herrendous dysfunctionality of my home clashes with fluid serenity that my friends and I share in the abandoned hallways of Timberview High. Near the bandhall, we have halls that were quarentined off late last year and are reletively unknown to a school that has largely forgotten about their existance. With the lack of any traffic, the floors of such are ever-clean, all the ceiling tiles are presant, and the walls maintain a stock of brink unvulerable to erosion. Yet, the acedemic purgatory retains noticable stain to it's aura despite all lighted surfaces being operational. The aura lures myself along with my fellow delinquents to it's quarters; there we congregate, discuss, practice escapism, and mess around. They have long since been seeled away behind a locking mechanism that may as well be a brick wall.

The APs (administrative personel that stalk the halls with the air of sentry) hold all the keys to such vistas of teenage manifestation and therefore keep the resistance in check. The relationship between the disipline delivering APs and the few self-aware students is one that resembles asymectrical warfare. The student strike at the Powers That Be only when victory is certain, the APs, strike us away at every oppertunity. This is an acedemic Guerilla Warfare. But this has all come to an end today, for we have foun our Zion. New beginning today at 7:30 this morning when I made the decision to abandon the confines of the fieldhouse. Today, I was almost burned alive in the sacred pass after when three of us were skippin' class. Damian (a tall Puerto Rican who rarely cuts class) came with Allyson and I to show us how he and another broke into the forgotten halls a week before, we are exected to take the secret to graduation and will happily do so. We sat in the hall, backs against the wall (this one was hardly fifty yards in length) and began our degeneration. This scene was not of shared druggs (we're all broke), but one of quiet reverence to the ages. we contemplated our lives and formulated ideas as we have been doing for years, alone. After an hour or so, Damian left, it was just the girl and I, the atmosphere was suddenly charged with tension that tugged at our very skin. I moved to her and she embraced my efforts with soft touch.

The other day my cat died, and i've managed to avaid the shock by drowning myself in neverending games of Unreal Tournament. The Walls Must never come down. That's all I wanna say about that 'cause it still hurts.

The next time a teacher asks me if i'm depressed or on drugs, I swear i'll just walk away. Also, I'm proud to say that I did not celibrate 4/20 this year, though this seems to have no effect on my status. The the faculty continues to view me as a degenerate, which causes me to bwllow my hate for the Earth from time to time with others labled as I am. My life is currently going down from the occurence of a mistake which (for now) i'll only refer to as, " The Incident". My feelings ache and my bloodbounds heavy, though this is the best time to write, I simply don't feel up to it. Enjoy the damn music and come around tomarrow for more. I'm still searching for that instant gratification. This is one of my few refuges outside the walls and I cherish it deeply. I'm done.

Currently Playing Music:
Necrophagist - Seven
Finch - Ink
Silversun Pickups - Well Thought Out Twinkles
Disturbed - Stupify
Disturbed - Dropping Plates
Eminem - My Words Are Weapons
Disturbed - Liberate
311 - Down
Deftones - Lhabia
Deftones - Good Morning Beautiful
Deftones - Bored
Deftones - Mascara
Deftones - Change
Deftones - Riviere

For all my Chevelle fans abroad, the title is yours. . . .

Today is a Monday, I know in my last blog I said i'd finish it and reveal the mystery of my abrupt absence but that'll have to wait. Today was what we here call an A-Day, this means I had History second block with Brandon, Caitlyn, Chloe, (mentioned in past blgs) along with the usual mixture of the mindless and unidentified students. For those of you who are new, are too lazy to read past posts, or have short-term memery loss, Chole is one of my good friends. She was with me in middle school back in the day and now, its the eleveth grade and we're all screwed. For a long time, we went to seperate highschools but now all is well. I see her every other day at nine or so in the morning. She usually wears some awesome shirt with a long forgotten logo, a thin "zip-all-the-down" hoodie (can't remember correct terminology and can't desribe it right but you'll understand for now, it's awesome), and a pair of jeans.

Usually, at least for the past forever, she's worn the hoodie over her clothes and all features of her feminine awesomeness are made androgynous to even the most familular eye. However, today was an adnormality, for a brief time somewhere in the middle of class, she removed the protective layer of cloth and was openly vunerable to the rest of the world. Her personality is the best anyone could ever hope for, and now she has the added compliment of being extremely hot. (or at least i'm hot for her) Her form was undescribly awesome (i'm havin trouble ordering my thoughts and feelings into words) and even now I realize my folley. I Have fallen for a girl I could never have, and that though alone is doin' some serious damage behind the walls at the moment. At the time it was awesome, like I found something to cure all evils and then it was delivered from my tenuous grasp. Dammit

I know this sounds like i've taken a liking to her because she's hot but it isn't like that in the slightest. I haven't really though this through all that much except for the fact that being away from her sucks. It has always been slightly less jubilant without but manageble. I wecome raw emotion so long as i'm in control but now it's peircing my insides and slowly bringing down The Walls. (any time I make reference to "The Walls", it's a name i've given to the mechanical defences that my mind has put up over the years to deflect emotional damage and negate otherwise harmful emotional experiences). Until recently, I thought they would never fall but now, it may all be over. I can't let this happen, The Walls must never relent and to lose Chloe as a friend to the dangers of akwardness is far too risky, even to entertain as mere fantasy. I makes no matter because this is all for naught, because in three months, we'll be seperated by the local schoolong system and I likey won't be able to see her again.

So, in light of all I have written (this is the most i've dwelled on it),i've come to the decision to not further our relationship in the direction that I ever-so-fervently wish it could travel. But i'll gladly endure internal pain rather than steer her through the turbulent fluid that is the akward and cumbersome remnants of a disturbed friendship. So, here I sit, with a multitube of raw emotion that I simply don't yet have the ability to funnel just yet. This won't be the last post like this and these are sure to be the ones with the most raw, (abiet suicidal) energy.
Enjoy the music and post like bitch, lol (urban humor).

Currently Playing Music :
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son
Foo Fighters - Everlong
Linkin Park - Session
Linkin Park - Nobody's Listening
Sum 41 - Fat Lip
Sum 41 - In Too Deep
Chevelle - I Get It
Chevelle - The Red
Chevelle - Send The Pain Below
Slipknot - Duality
Incubus - Talk Shows On Mute
Incubus - Pardon Me
Incubus - Stellar
Savage - Swing
Drop Dead Gorgeous - The Show Must Go On
Motion City Soundtrak - Everything Is Alright
Thousand Foot Krutch - Ordinary
Aiden - Last Sunrise
Aiden - Die Romantic
Alice In Chains - Rooster

This morning was slow and full of unhealthy sluggishness on my part, I get more tired by the day. My ears alert my dark, disgruntled mind to her coming yet before I can formulate even the most futile attempt of escape, i'm undone. I'm undone because in my groggy, half-assed escapism has resulted in me suffering from my anemia, lying on the floor with my once protective comforter splayed out over my tangle form as she stands over me. Dammit, (this vesselof flesh fails again) in more detail, I remember stepping outta bed and all kinda fadding out as the light abondoned me, next came the thud which promptly finished me off. There I lay unconcious but not asleep, it couldn't have been more than two minutes 'cause I was revived with her vioce complaining on and on about my "lazy ass efforts at life". My legs in a tangle, ensnared by my blankie, and wrought with headache is how I start my morning.

Julie and Shaun are still gone (good thing? prolly) to the refuge of what has no doubt been renamed, "Granny's Insane Asylum" (good thing?) She stands by the door leading to the garage speaking in the manner that the immensly strong instructor talks to the mentally disabled students down the hall from my english class. In my daze, I receive, "Get up and put the clothes from the washer to the dryer", plus a bad word here and there acompanied with other stuff I can't remember. she then asked if I was sure and I must have given the right answer because she finnaly left. I climbed onto my bed and drifted hard into a tenuous sleepstate. An hour or less passes and I wake for only moments at a time here and there. She returns but only for a few minutes (i think), says something I can no longer recall and then she leaves again.

I start the coffee maker and continue my digital odyssey online, after a while, it's ready and I enjoy a milk and suger laced caffine dream.

(At time of writing this, i'm chatting with ":)4thecamera", this IM thingy is still new to me, lol).

I sneeze to life, my nose feels strange now, I look down and there a crust of old blood about the size of my palm on my pillow. (shit) A few more hours glide by my still form and I wake with the extreme urge to dash away to the bathroom. I thumb my nose and a couple o' little black flecks fall out into the sink. I wiped away the dried mess above my upper lip and retreat to the toilet for the next 37 seconds (random time. hell, coulda been 38, who knows? lol). I emerge fromt the confines of the bathroom and make my way to the kitchen, the phone rings. I answer and she reminds me of my daily duties which I can't remember even now. I set up base at our computer more than an hour later, i'm still here. At the moment, I have to leave and I have little time to explain why. I'll reveal all in my next blog.

Currently Playing Music:
Rage Against The Machine - Down Rodeo
Rage Against The MAchine - Killing In The Name Of
The Cult - She Sells Sanctuary
Gorillaz - Double Bass
Sum 41 - Fat Lip
30 Seconds To Mars - Attack
No Doubt - I'm just A Girl
Drop Dead Gorgeous - The Show Must Go On
Weezer - Undone (The Sweater Song)
Weezer - Say It Ain't So
The Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Sublime - Santeria
Deftones - Good Morning Beautiful
Deftones - Korea

Hot Chocolate? Anyone?

I got to work and today was a location that i'm not really used to, but I have a feeling I might be there more often in the future. There's a location hardly 2 miles from my house and one half way across the metroplex (two large cities side by side(Dallas and Fort Worth)). The one close to my house is scheduling me for less and less hours and the one across town has a severe shortage of worker bees due to its frequently being held up. Just thursday, two masked assailents burt into the crouded lobby and demanded all the tangible cash (of course not in those words) and promptly bailed out seccessfully with over 650.oo in unmarked bills. Durring this prolly frieghtening day, I was enjoying my day off at the house, bored as hell. Luckily, no one was harmed because they all had the sense to escape from the back after opening the safe. One of the robbers is suspected of being fired from Papa Johns only a month or so ago. On a funny note: the robbers were stupid like no other, they repeatedly called each other by name and one of which (again? i need new words) left his Ski mask at the place of incident. Couple o' "Grade A" Fuck-ups.

Despite the aura of inner-city, urbanesque crime that the place held, today was a rather uneventful day. This location (that we'll call Pioneer) was less busy and more laid back than my normal jobsite (we'll call that Lakeridge). I like it there and in my weaker moments, found my right brain entertaining the left about what life would be like if. I made pizza, money, and new friends, tomarrow I have to return to what looks now to be the cleanest job ever (at least when you compare Lakeridge to Pioneer). Apparently, my prompt and hardwork ethic was the best the location had seen in a long time. The managers name was James and he invited me to show up at any time. I got my pay check for a week ago on friday and it was for 117.oo (and some coins too). But sadly I spent about 40% of my other check treating the girls out to pizza, Chiles Resturants, and other fun times; therefore, I was unable to purchase my new Zune. I'll have to what another week which is all good cause i'll be dead soon anyway, lol.

After my shift, (it's like ten somethin at nite by now) my mom comes to pick me up, she's in a bad mmod for some non-existant reason and is trying in vain to conceal it. Her prodding questions are laiden with the almost unnoticable tone of a quiet forest fire which I am gonna ignore until it burns my fuckin metaphoric house to the scorched Earth. She knows i've taken a recent shine to the computer due to Thoughts.com and she is determined to end it along with drowning any chance we had of closing this night on a good note. Her last words are the worst, they symbolize that even though i've managed to avoid her minefield of instant death and eternal anger/fear, she can still get me. She says, "Don't get on that computer"; she says it when we're just over half way home, this evolves our vehichle into an existence of quiet awkwardness and shelded resentment. It's mostly resentment. I survive the Cold War all the way home and she snuggles on the couch in the living room.

Our living room and kitchen share the same room and are sperated only by a half-wall and an encompassing chest-high countertop. our "family" computer (i'm usually the sole user) is in our kitchen, this is weird I know but you'll have to get passed that for now. lol. (Julie's room was the study/computer room but she moved in a little under a year ago and needed her own space, so the rest is history). Mom is in the livin' room with a semi-clear view of the kitchen, this means I can't get on even if she were asleep. I wait a few hours and she seems to be in some deep slumber. So I go to the internet go-go mechanism screen thingy and press the on button. The screen comes to life and the wallpaper of green rolling hills smiles brightly at me. I bullshit you not when I say that room assended to life like a resserected zombie and demanded that I step away from the computer. I moaned and she went to her room but not before mumbling in a confused rant.

She turns just before her door and apparently, has a change of heart. And so, now my mother quietly submits the query, "Why don't you make yourself a cup of hot chocolate?" So here I am, noisily striking the keyboard as it echos into the ever-encroaching darkness. I am here, without a cup of hot chocolate. I'll write again tomarrow if I can but . . . .

Here's some music, I feel strangely obligated to say, "I hope you enjoy it", but in the end, I really couldn't care less. lol Enjoy the fuckin music.

Currently Playing Music:
System of a Down - Hypnotize
Swing - Savage
Snoop Dogg - Sensual Seduction
Rich Boy - Throw Some D's
Purple Ribbon All-Stars - Kryptonite (Remix)
Young Joc - I Know You See It
Young Joc - Coffee Shop
Foo Fighters - Everlong
Mindless Self Indulgence - Tom Sawyer
Dynamite Hack - Boyz In The Hood
Butthole Surfers - Pepper
Peaches - Boys Wanna Be Her

PS: Fuck this verification code shit thingy. . . . . ugh
PPS: I ahd to cut everything and repaste it onto a new page for a new code, lol.

(Is that epic enough, :)4thecamera?) laugh out loud

For my fellow Rage fans, the title of this entry is for you . . . .

I woke up an hour and some change ago with a screaming headache and her damned voice. My headache wasn't from a good time but from abnormal bloodloss. So far, I've been cruising the forums promoting my blog along with Texas Independance and posting comments on :)4thecamera's blog. I have the feeling I might be wasting away, and it sucks. For the past month, I've been periodically losing large amounts of blood from my sinus. In a way, I'm dying because no doctor has been able to stop the bleeding for a time that lasted longer than a couple of days. Its all good though because I've grown strangly comfortable with my terminality even though they won't give me medical cannibis like the do for cancer patients. I recently missed a school for the whole week before our spring break. This is why I cannot join the Air Force.

Yesturday, I posted around my lunch time because I knew I wouldn't get access to my computer until late last night but even that was cut short by the aformentioned nosebleed. (I've always had trouble but ussually its only once of twice a year. 2008 has brought me the worst and I fear I won't have to worry out it much longer). Anyways, after my lunch yesturday, I went on to my third class (which today was physics) of the day to hang out with Ivan. He, a group of Navy recruits, assorted nobodys and asses, and lastly me had to endure a prticularly strung out subtitute teacher. I can't remember her name or even her giving it out but the class responded to her aura of dislike with a potent mixture of blatant (spelling?) disrespect and teenage indifferentness. Me and one of the Navy recruits got into a heated duel in which he cracked and ruler over my head and I left him gasping for air on the ground. Not to say anything bad about the Navy but their training regiment is boilin' bullshit compared to that of the Air Force Commandos.

In short, the sub earned a few cool points when she elected to merely move me to the opposite side of the room instead of gettin me suspended. (I'm a junior, Navy Recruits are seniors, and Ivan is a senior also). In the meantime, Ivan was laughin his ass off; he's cool though because after the short fight, he accompanied me to the far side of the room. I woulda drifted into sleep otherwise, lol, I don't have a lot of energy these days. (Anemia seized my existence not too long ago) We joked around about stuff we'd seen in the media, the aforestated brawl, and a video called "Metal Gear Awesome". Then we tried to finish the bookwork assignment as fast as we could, after about ten minutes we gave up and stole a completed one from the ever oblivious sub's desk. We copied it, and truned all three papers in, we've been doing this for a long time and no one ever gets caught anymore.

Earlier at lunch, I wrote "Penis" all over Ivan's bookcover so large and in doubleface, it was funny as hell and I couldn't wait until a teacher noticed it. (Rebel Without a Cause - esque) Anyway, about the time we were in the middle of Physics, we came to our senses and decided to conceal the obsene graffiti. But before that could be done, Ivan wrote, "Stoney Loves -" before the P-word and we laughed our asses off. "Stoney" is the dumbshit moniker that a condesending fatass assigned himself in a vain efftort to be "cool". His real name is Jeremy Stonelove and I am determined to see his end. He and I have been at war since the seventh grade, he started some mess back then and has been adding to it over the years. Long ago, he tried to punk me around when I was smaller (he's been a steady 200-lbs since primary schooling), and I wasn't goin' to have that shit so I knocked his head in so bad, they had me suspended for a few weeks. Anyway, he went around tellin' everyone that I tried to kill his ass (we were in the fuckin 7th grade. . . .come on) and has since then tried to provoke me into various fights knowing full well that I have a record for some shit that went down my freshman year.

Ivan doesn't like Stoney because, "that fat bastard projects an aura not disimiler to everything that I hate" (in the Ivan's own words). Long story short, Stoney is an acomplished asshole could prolly be a smart guy if he could just get his shit together. Until then, he enjoys EPIC FAIL status in the social realm because he is liked by no one, tolerated by all. Just before we concealed the obsenities, Ivan got Stoney's attention (who's eyes lit up at the prospect of what he thought was someone who wanted to talk to him), and stood the book up on it's spine, broadcasting visually to Stoney our love for him. He looked a little dumbfounded and managed to regain his fake and totally hollow composure as he searched in vain for a retalliation in words. Ivan and I almost died of laughter that surely echoed through the school. For the first time in almsot a year, Stoney got some "outside->in" attention, though he learned it was at his expense. Needless to say, it made my fuckin day, lol (it rhymes).

After Physics was over, we parted ways in the crouded hall and I trudged my way down the hall and around the corner to my last class of the day, Geometry (today it was anyway). I arrived at the entrance and elected to skip and show up for work early. But before I could make my exit, I saw there was a sub in this class too. I stood outside the classroom as the mindless bastards of Timberview High filed in. My own contemplation evolved into my demise as it gave Kamie (Sophmore) a chance to catch up with me a drag me into the class just before the bell rang; now, I was trapped and could do nothing about it. Dammit (Geometry is a sophmore class but life happens and so, i'm still here). I made my way to the back ot the class, it was like standing on the tarmac of the airport, it was sooo loud in there.

I must have let my guard down for a few moments because one of my long-time friends (Miranda, a girl my age of Mexican decent who is short and will never grow another inch, lol) saw the pain in my face and asked me what was wrong. I declined an answer (the walls must never come down) and though about changing the subject to her lovelife but instead complimented her on her style of dress. She giggled and returned to her normally scheduled conversation with her idiot friends. I was alone again except for a girl named Chrstal (sophmore) who happens to have my last name (we're not related at all). She reclined in her desk and proped her feet up on the adjacent desk as I did. The sub said some stuff about the assignments but no one would be able to hear him. I was bored for a long time.

Then, about halfway through class, Kamie did the impossible and thus revealed to all that the world was approaching it's end, she departed her preppy circle of almost-friends and made her way to my group of desks where Chrytal and I were quietly enjoying one another's quiet company. Chystal looked away and played with her brunette turned golden hair. (Kamie doesn't like Chrystal for unknown reasons and assumes Chrystal is returning the favor) In short, Kamie left people who were taylored for her to come and talk to me, the grundge laiden fuck up who manages to nearly always let her down. I was quietly and secretly overjoyed and listened intently to her side of the conversation. We managed a good time for the remainder of the class, driving my attention from my yet-to-be-completed assignments, fuck assignments.

The bell rang and she left for her bus and I trekked across the expanded high school to the front to hang out with Englande and Islees for the remainder of the day, or at least until I had to go to work (5:00 pm). Englande (senior) hang out by her car as we waited for Islee (Englande's sophmore sister who gets cuter by the day. Also, she went out with another of my arch-enemies named Kendrik (I wanna kick his ass)). Islee finally arrived in a grey, tight fitting shirt (cute in grey is hard to do but she can pull it off easily) and climbed in the backseat. Englande started the car and we sped off toward the "Land of Not Planning Stuff Out". After about half an hour of driving, (it was only, like 3:15 by now (school is out at 2:30)) we settled on going to Papa Johns where i had a 50% off discount. With the doors of the small Honda Accord open, and the radio on low, we talked and munched on a large (half pepperoni and half (Canadian Bacon) ham) pizza that was soon nothin but a cardboard box.

By now it was only 3:45 or so and Islee had to bee somewhere so they left me at Papa Johns an hour and some change early for work. Any other thime, that woulda been good but today, Justin (my General Manager) wouldn't let me clock in until five cause he was being a dick. He reminds me of the good side of my Uncle JuJu (Julie's Dad) who tries sooo hard but struggles to be a functional member of society. So I waited, folding boxes for free in the back Papa Johns. After hours and hours of beligerent customers and Sierra Mist, it was 10:04 and I was released from the shakles of menial labour and went home. I got home to find that my brother (Shaun) and Julie (cousin who resides with us) had the prilige of fleeing our dysfunctional housefold to spend the weekend in Dallas with my laid back Grandpa and smoking Granny.

I spent the 2 hours between 10:30pm and 12:30am in the forums here, commenting on blogs, and posting the blog entitled, "Fuckin' Epic". Then, just into the wee hours of today (about 45 minutes in) I sneezed, resulting a nosebleed which in retrospect, wasn't too bad but was enough to condem me to my bed. I signed out and vowed to write this blog. So here it is, hope you enjoyed it the way you will the music below. Thank you for reading. My Regional Boss Guy (Mike Bounds) called around 4:30 (mid-blog) and he needs help at a location across town (I work for Papa Johns). So I gotta go now. Lastly, I would like to remind the reader that all this happened yesterday, lol. I played a lot of music today while writting this, I like that.

Currently Playing Music:
Deftones - Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away) ~Acoustic~
Deftones - Good Morning Beautiful
Deftones - Charry Waves ~Acoustic~
Fear Factory - Slave Labor
Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise
Smashing Pumpkins - Today
Radiohead - Creep
Foo Fighters - My Hero
Stone Temple Pilots - Dead and Bloated
Jimmey Eat World - The Sweetness
Mindless self Indulgence - Stupid MF
311 - Down
311 - Amber
Rage Against The Machine - Down Rodeo
Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name Of
311 - Transistor
Lil Wayne - I Feel Like Dying
Smashing Pumpkins - Quiet
Smashing Pumpkins - Hummer
Smashing Pumpkins - Silverfuck
Smashing Pumpkins - Geek USA
Modest Mouse - Ocean Breathes Salty
Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down
Saliva - Ladies and Gentlemen
Saliva - Click Click Boom
KoRn - Got the life

PS: Stoney, if your readin' this, go suck a dick. Ivan, if your readin' this, *high five*
PPS: I can't wait until Ironman comes to theaters, it's gonna be awesome. Ivan says, " . . . first Latin superhero ever!" lmao

First, i want to start by not apologizing for my extended hiatus. I know I should and frankly, thats why I won't lol. But it's all good because if I did, then it wouldn't be me and that just cannot happen. At first, I was thinkin' of some excuse to shell out to my dwindling fans but soon I remembered that you guys don't really care. And in the longshot that you do, the truth is that I don't and in the end, that is all that matters. So now I'm calling all cattle to the slaughter, for this murder-train has started up once again and the railroad of doom yearns for passengers.

Today was a strange one, but only because I woke earlier than before. Now I know this doesn't seem all that weird, but for the past few weeks, ive tried everything to rise before my cousins. This triumph is evident from my failure to do so and then suddenly gaining the ability, like that super-emo spiderdude or somethin'. My eyes opened to see the sun sprinkling through the closed blinds on my bedroom windows and the dysrhythmic knocking at my chamber door. I rose to meet the awkward sound and all I saw was a solomn raven who then peirced, "nevermore". lol, actually that did not happen; there was no raven, no noise, nothing at all to hint that today would be worth living through. But the fact was, I was awake; and with that being said (and realized then), there was no turning back. Everyone knows that when you ascend from the murky peice of the deep sleep, the only way to return is through a day of trial and labour. As if one was punished by being endowed with the need to plunge back into the subcounsious, knowing that he has not the ability which has been replaced by the cursed coffee. I guess, the raven of reverent demise did actually desend upon me earlier this morning, for all the aforementioned courses of slurred knowledge struck me like an anvil. That was when I knew (nine somethin' am) that I was locked away in the dungeon borne from boredom and madness. That was when I desperately sought out the asylum of Allyson's touch.

However, this was in vain because after my depressing revelations, it came to me that I no longer had my cellphone. My Jungle Green w580i Sony Ericsson was terminally damaged durring a radient engagement at the local bowling alley about a week ago. I am reffering to the wonderful sport of lasertag, this is the sport of demigods (the real gods play Airsoft, lol). Me, a friend, an uncomfortable aquaintance, and people I had only known for the last five minutes desperately hauled ass to the isolated corner of the laberynth arena to make a last stand angainst a force twice our firepower. (Somehow the teams were unevenly matched, but we didn't complain because we snuck in and played for free (twice) anyways, lol). I yelled "fallback" as the dense fog from the smoke machine punsihed me dearly for my obvious decibil-related offence. The majority of my squad heard the call and escaped to my position, I was taking cover behind a rather large wall. I am not a coward but I know not to stand and fight when it's only my buddy and I against six others. After a moment, I realized that my team (Blue Team) was short (even more so after the fact that we were on the bad side of being outgunned). That was when I told Shareef (one of my best friends) to cover my ass with laser suppresser fire while I dashed out into the blind smoke to recover my possibly fallen comrades.

I found the other members of Blue Team, about three of 'em (these were the ones I met and teamed with only five minutes before the match) holed up behind a fallen cylinder covered in neon lighting. One of the guys was just hit as I saw his leaser vest begin to flicker red, this was reason enough to take cover with them. In short, my plan to gather them up and make a maddash for the isolated corner morphed into me firing wildly into the distance, we were pinned down. This is the point where if the battle was in our favor before, (it really wasn't) it sure as Hel wasn't now; on the plus side, there were so many targets. Though this also meant that there were just sooo many points of contact and a force so small was nowhere near adequately equipped. (This is double bad due to the fact that we were already divided and would soon be conquered). After a few minutes of returning fire, then poking our heads from behind cover, to just hiding behind our barrier; we decided that all was lost and a last ditch effort to make a run for the isolated corner would be better than being quietly (though brilliantly (literally)) destroyed. And the funny part is, we weren't even sure if the other group was still intact, we only knew of their preseance from the occasional "HEADSHOT!!" yelled from deep within the ominus (abiet choke-worthy) fog.

A few seconds later, myself and another (a middle-aged man who was once a Special Operations Marine) re-united with the main group and there, things were going reletively well, but this was not without the fact that I lost a guy durring the hectic transit. I was most happy when I saw Shareef had yet to be hit, he was firing (deftly so) from behind a glowing wall of neon orange and green sherbert. This continued for a long while until the alarm sounded, signaling the end of the eventful session. All the former combatants filled out of th dark arena into the large room that housed the arcades, the bolwing lanes were in the distance at the far wall. A large, prolly LCD HD, screen displayed our team stats and personal records. To our suprise, the words,"BLUE TEAM WINS" was shown in bright blue along with our scores. They then had the teams side by side, and we saw the true magnitude of our victory, for there were over twice as many of them than us. I felt good and the time was worth the rather expensive cost. I remembered that I had to be home soon and so I looked at my phone to know the time, the screen wass shattered. This is when I released a loud, "FUCK ME". A few people glance in my direction but no audible comments are made and I remember that this is America. lol

Thats all the killin' I got for today, don't mind the constant (though consistant) misspellings and always make sure to check out my music list. It's da shizz. Bump that shit.

Currently Playing Music:
Sublime - Wrong Way
Deftones - Savory
Souljaboy Tellem - Yahhh
Alice In Chains - Grind
Alice In Chains - Again
Coheed and Cambria - Welcome Home
Black Sabbath - Sweat Leaf
The Offspring - Self Esteem
Deftones - Feiticeira
Nirvanna - On A Plain
Modest Mouse - The World At Large
Deftones - Bored
Nirvanna - In Bloom
Deftones - Change (In the House of Flies)
Deftones - Korea

PS: Post, Poster, Postest

I want a Wii, but they're abiet overpriced, I might as well just the X-BOX 360 Elite. Any help here?